"...do these people understand what fools they sound like to anybody who knows the truth about all of this?  They haven't the slightest idea how foolish they sound; they don't care.  Folks, I do not need, nor do you, lectures from liberals, Democrats, Drive-By Media people on whether or not they served in the military about supporting our troops.  It is they who are undermining the troops, smearing the troops, endangering them every damn day -- and they know it, and they have done it purposefully!  They are undermining the war effort.  They want to be called patriots for doing it.  Shame on selecting Jim Webb! Shame on John Kerry! Shame on them!  They should be speaking out for our soldiers, not throwing in with the anti-war MoveOn.org crowd. Now let's take a call.  Tony in Washington D.C., go ahead."

"Hi Rush, first-time long time. I've been listening to you at work all afternoon and I just wanted to call and tell you that it makes me sick to see the way you're being attacked by the drive-by media."

"It is enough to sicken anyone with half a brain, Tony, but that is exactly what these people do."

"Well, I know. They've even got Dana Perino ganging up on you."

"Ah, yes. For those of you who don't know what Tony is talking about, there was a White House press briefing this morning where the female press secretary, Ms. Perino,  failed to properly defend me from these sort of scurrilous attacks. For an administration that supposedly puts such a high value on loyalty, they are displaying precious little of it."

"I know, Rush. Tony Snow would never have dissed you like that."

"Indeed he would not, he's a very good friend of the show. And as far as that goes, I'm sure Scott McClellan would have defended my honor, as would have Ari Fleischer."

"I think it's because she's a woman."

"Tony brings up a good question here. Does a woman, any woman, have the right temperament to serve as press secretary. I know this president likes to be as inclusive as..."

"I think she should be replaced by Tony Fratto."

"Who?"

"Tony Fratto, the rugged and fiercely loyal Assistant Deputy Press Secretary for the President of the United States. Some people call him The Tough Guy's Tough Guy."

"Right, right, Tony Fratto. I must admit to a small moment of confusion, as we are addressing a number of Tonys simultaneously. You, of course, are Tony, as is Tony Snow, as well as Tony Fratto."

"Yeah, Tony Fratto, The Tough Guy's Tough Guy. I hear he types a hundred twenty words a minute."

"You sir are a veritable fount of information on Tony Fratto. I think... You wouldn't happen to be Tony Fratto, would you?"

"How did you... No, no, it's uh... I can understand how you might think that, but it's just a coincidence. We both live in the same city and all, but, I'm a steelworker. Mega-dittos, Rush."

"Well, mega-dittos to you, sir. Now as I was saying before the call..."


 

2007, Mark Hoback