From my lips to your ear

Tony Fratto
Assistant Deputy White House Press Secretary

"Every day congressional Democrats prove that they're more interested in headlines than doing the business Americans want them to do. And Americans are now taking notice that this Congress, under Democratic leadership, is failing to tackle important issues," - Me, Tony Fratto

Yeah, I said that, I said it yesterday, me, Tony Fratto, the President's Assistant Deputy White House Press Secretary, or as I like to put it, The Tough Guy's Tough Guy. No, no, I'm not talking about Snow, he ain't the boss of me, he's the boss of my boss, Dana Perino, and she ain't no tough guy, she's a babe.

And speaking of babes, Hey ladies! It's me, Tony Fratto, president Bush's Assistant Deputy White House Press Secretary. Hey, and don't let that word Secretary fool you, because I'm 110% all-American beefcake, that's Tony with a 'y' not Toni with an 'i'.

I'm wondering how many of you remember back to May 2007 when I wrote my first communiqué to the people . Yeah, I talked a good game way back then, but I wasn't sure that I had the cojones to run with the big dogs. Because it's a fact, you've got to have some massive cojones to hang with the truly legendary press secretaries. Hell, even Dana has them, only hers used to belong to some guy named Ari.

But look at me now, laying down the Democrats like they were bricks and I was a bricklayer. I'm the master of irrelevant disinformation, I know it, the president knows it, you don't need to know it, you can just take my word.

Listen to me, giving form to the president's will, just a few days ago. Seems the Dems would just love to extend health insurance nightmare to even more trash can kids, striking a low bow to America's Health Insurance industry AND once again kicking the balls of the Tobacco Industry by imposing a new higher federal tax increase on cigarettes. What, a pack of smokes doesn't cost enough? The words just flowed out of my mouth like vomit, I'm that good. I said "That tax would fall primarily on low-income people. So, ironically, poor people would be asked to finance a new subsidy for the middle class."

Whoa!!! Yes I did, yes I did! I told em that to insure more kids would require stealing the cigarettes out of the poor folks mouths. Goddamn, you just try telling me I don't have a pair of big brass ones. And today, get this, I'm going to talk about the effect on the middle class, where the average Joe would have to start buying cartons just to try and be able to smoke as much, either that or start buying those crappy generic cigarettes.

All right, yeah, great talking at you people, so until next time, this is Tony Fratto, Assistant Deputy White House Press Secretary, not a man to be trifled with.



©2007, Mark Hoback