June 2, 2005



Some of my colleagues have the same political outlook as those ridiculous looking birds that keep their heads burried in the sand and have those long skinny legs and ridiculous useless wings. Oranges. They pretend that the Democratic Party is the exclusive home of lackeys and morons, failing to see the retards in their own party, in spite of the fact that the the right has it's own impressive collection of dimwitted dimwits. Wake up losers, and look under the sheets. Is that you in those Popeye and Olive pajamas? No? Okay, then, you can keep reading.

Am I the very last journalist to write about the seven traitorous Republican senators who engineered a compromise with the liberal filibastards? Apparently so, and even though I am tempted to say that we've save the best for last, that's scant excuse for my lack of commentary on the topic. It appears that the slackjaws in The Committee sent me the wrong talking points last week as part of a little 'practical joke' played entirely at my expense. It was not, to understate the matter, a bit funny.

There I was typing furiously about Bill Moyers, a man whose very name elicits a yawn, barely making my deadline, and breaking a heel while running to the fax machine. That is not amusing. I have a big purple bruise on my knee which is not the least bit amusing unless you happen to be some perv like John Kerry who prefers his women a little on the black and blue side.

And just what did The Committee tell me were this weeks talking points? Paris Hilton and Deep Throat! Oh, no, you don't. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'll have someone rearrange your face. I know what sort of activity that little whore is capable of. I've seen the video. And after watching her swallow something that huge, I'm quite sure I'll never eat a burger again. 

No, I'm going to stick with the seven Judases. Or is that Judi? Wait! That is so funny! Judi! I'll call this weeks column Return of the Judi! It plays on that whole Star Wars thing which is all over the media right now. This is so great!

You do know how the whole 'compromise' went down, don't you? I mean, you're not feeble minded are you? It was the king of the Judi, the Judasiest Judi of all, the AntiBush Insane McCain making a power play for 2008, pretending to be the leader who will bring the moderates out of the wilderness and into the promised land where Paris Hilton can deep throat Spicy Burgers all day long to annoying rap music.

Not in my world you don't, Senator McNasty. In the real world there is no middle ground.  As I've said before, "things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, the blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; the best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity." Ha! Answer that, you maverick bozo!

There is really nothing more to say on this topic, since in reality, it is last weeks topic, and I have no idea what this weeks topic is, or why The Committee seems to have turned against me in such a mean spirited manner. Oh well, maybe it's just part of my initiation.