I'm Not Marching Anymore
Ann Coulter

June 16, 2005

Some of my more astute readers may have noticed my recent comments about The Committee, the not-so-secret group of conservative media superstars who call all the shots for the rest of us. Rush, Bill, Sean, you know, all the members of the old boy's club. I'll admit that I slavishly tried to join The Committee, running off to do their shows at the drop of a hat, subserviently accepting my talking points from them, day after day, week after week.

And did they reward my dedication? Hell no! They've even taken to sending me old talking points, just so they can laugh amongst themselves when my column shows up helplessly outdated. Well I'm not taking it, anymore. There's a new Ann in town, and I am going to write what I want when I want to.

Such as the fact that sometimes conservatives get things wrong. Earth to The Committee - you're not infallible! If you would just admit your mistakes once in a while, maybe more people would respect you. I can see I'm going to have to take the lead here.

For example: Remember Terry Schiavo? I was dead wrong about that issue. Yes I was! I went back to look at some of my earlier columns, and I must have been on drugs or something. Take this piece that I wrote back in November 2003. (Oh, I promise you're going to laugh your ass off at this one. Just call me a big silly).

Terri is not brain-dead and requires no extraordinary means to be kept alive. She is breathing, her heart is pumping, her organs are functioning. All she needs is food and water. (Of course, all three are technically true of Kate Moss, too.) But her husband wants to starve her to death.

Wow, was I ever off base with that one! Truth is, the girl's brain was deader than a doornail! You know, I really thought Terri's eyes were following that balloon, but when I found out that the vision centers of her brain had long since deteriorated away, I almost bust a gut. God, what a doofus I can be!

In the absence of a living will, I would think the courts ought to be erring on the side of life. But short of that, couldn't we at least all agree that the courts should not defer to the pull-the-plug demands from anyone who:

  1. expresses an unseemly enthusiasm for another person's death;
  2. was the only person present when the incident leading to the persistent vegetative state occurred;
  3. stands to make money off the person's death; or
  4. is wearing a "W.W.C.V.B.D.?" (what would Claus von Bulow do?) bracelet?

Okay, I'll admit it. W.W.C.V.B.D. That's funny, very, very funny. And Michael Schiavo was pretty easy to lampoon, what with that big oh-so-serious mug, and all that caring nonsense. (Wasn't he some kind of nurse?) But irregardless, I think that he probably had enough going on in his personal life that he didn't need me to be opening my fat mouth. God, I am such a blonde. So, sorry Mike! I was wrong! Have a nice life!

2005, Mark Hoback