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Ann Coulter (Archive)

May 26, 2005 |


Bill Moyers, the demented, fermented, foul scented, liberal discontented, mentally segmented, truth misrepresented, logic circumvented, all facts reinvented, friend of dead miscreants who will not be lamented - yes that Bill Moyers,  former host of the PBS program 'Not With Bill Moyers, You Don't', referred to the American-led war in Iraq as doing "to the people of Baghdad what bin Laden did to us." Well, he's almost exactly correct, so I don't see a problem, do you? I say 'almost', because any objective look will show that thanks to American battleground superiority we've taken out a much higher percentage of the Iraqi population than bin Laden took of ours. And a lot of those that we've terminated have been genuine dyed in the wool evildoers.

What else has the badly aged Moyers said that's risen up to my level of controversy? Well nothing, really. The Committee just told me that this week's column had to be about Bill Moyers. I said, 'I want to write about guys for a change'. They said, 'Well, He's a guy'. Damn! I wonder if I'll ever be smart enough to be on the committee.

Moyers called those cute but poignant American flag pins "a little metallic icon of patriotism" comparable to Mao's Little Red Book being displayed on every Communist Party official's desk in China. This is silly. It is not comparable in any way. One has pages that you could ostensively read if you were of the Chinese persuasion, while the other is a piece of decorative jewelry suitable for any and all occasions, unless you're wearing a nice dress, something formal for a big event. Then you're not just going to want to stick a pin in it like some hayseed.

Moyers made big fun of Condoleezza Rice for her ineptness in not preventing the 7-11 attack, despite a clearly worded memo stating: "All American hot dogs shall soon be ours, at least the all beef ones. We shall pour your beloved Budweiser down the drain of history, and leave tampons strewn everywhere, even on the bakery products." On the surface that looks bad, until one realizes that the owner of the 7-11 is of the Arab persuasion, and that there is a Quicky Mart right across the street.  As Condi said, "I don't think you should, frankly, have to make more than a cursory inspection of the Quicky Mart without knowing that you would prefer to attack their Jumbo Fiesta Burrito before you'd ever touch one of those nasty 7-11 dogs".

In his lengthy diatribe that I fell asleep to twice while attempting to research this piece, Moyers said that CondiWeezie (yes! that's what he said!) had cried woof, intentionally misleading America and the world about the case for invading Iraq. Well, she didn't mislead me, but I guess that's because I'm on the Committee's mailing list and he's not. Tough luck, Bill. So she told you that Iraq was a part of the war on terror and that Saddam had WMDs (honestly, I can no longer type those silly words), and that he could take out the US at a moments notice?  I don't know what to do Bill - marvel at your stupidity, or congratulate you on your ability to so effortlessly lap up whatever crap we shovel your way. Regular viewers of PBS know that we invaded Iraq for oil. Don't you even watch your own programming?

Oh my god, I've already gone 586 words! Between the Starbucks Expresso Frappuccino (calories 220, but I'm sweating them off over the keyboard) and the Gauloises Blondes, I am on fire!

Have I proven my point about Bill Moyers yet? What is my point? Oh jeez, I wish I had read the background for this, but I swear, the Committee did not send it over until late last night, and I was out doing Hannity, and then I stopped at Le Chien Humide for a late dinner of olives and gin, and I get home and I'm like ohmygod, it's only three hours before I have to file, and the word file makes me think of my nails which really are a mess and I certainly don't need to draw any more attention to these hands, and besides I've got like 700 words, so the way I see it the Committee owes me.


Blogger Uses Nuclear Option on PC

FGAQ is tempted - very tempted - to write at length about all the terrible things which befell the corporate computer over the past few days, but that would be wrong. And boring. As much as we poke merciless fun at those who write of such matters, it is not even an option to say anything other than we regret that we were unable to be in the forefront of the courageous bloggers who have already brought you multitudinous pictures of Saddam without his pants.