Good Riddance to O'Connor
Ann Coulter

July 7, 2005

I couldn't help but gag earlier this week while listening to all the faux praise heaped upon the first and most depressing damsel to sit upon and befoul the Supreme Court. I, along with all true believers, am celebrating the resignation of Ronald Regan's greatest (and perhaps only mistake.) What was going on that would make the Gipper appoint someone like that? Was he thinking with the wrong head? Oh, I'm sorry I said that. I've just grossed myself out. Eww.

"We hope the president chooses someone thoughtful, mainstream, pragmatic, someone just like Sandra Day O'Connor," said Sen. Chuck Schumer, that idiot. I could make so much fun of his name in so many ways that it would make your head swim. For instance, up-Chuck Schumer. Schmuck Tumor. F-word Doom & Gloomer. The list is endless. But the point is the same - who cares what Shuck Rumor thinks?

Even President Bush choked back his glee long enough to call O'Connor "a discerning and conscientious judge and a public servant of complete integrity." You can just feel the dripping sarcasm in those words. He all but called her a hosebag.

He should have. Here's a funny line I came up with. Naming O'Connor's worst decision is like asking someone who their favorite unaborted child is. Hee hee hee. I sometimes like to contemplate the case of Grutter v. Bollinger. Oh my, that was bad. But I don't have to tell you that!

It's often been said, by me at least, that one of O'Connor's problems is that she is not a judge, but a legislator. And while there is certainly a lot of truth to my words, I think it's pretty obvious what her greatest problem was. Just take a look.

Oh my god, what a skank! She looks like Dudley Moore. And this is an old picture, people. It doesn't get any better than this. Take a gander at those big old man-hands! And what's that on her head? You're kidding me - that's supposed to be hair? Hee, hee, I think this picture was taken before stylists were invented. And I love the outfit, Sandy. I understand that the reason she keeps that blouse buttoned up so high is to hide a rather prominent Adam's apple, but maybe it's just a case of going for the den mother look.

I think that O'Connor's real calling was as the neighborhood mean girl, maliciously teasing her playmates, and ruining the schoolyard games by making up rules willy-nilly as she went along, so that none of the other girls could keep up. Of course she hated religion. Most ugly girls do, since the good Lord chose to bestow upon them such porcine features. But she did like her sodomy, uh-huh, voted for it every time she had a chance, claiming that was a very special right, guaranteed by the constitution. (It's not!) And don't even get me started on abortion. The heartless bitch took specific sadistic glee in refusing to overturn Roe v. Wade even though it was all in her power to do so. 30 million aborted babies, and all she's worried about is her sodomy.

Are you thoroughly disgusted yet? I hope so. We shall speak of this vile creature no more. I hope, however, that I've given you a sense of why the president's next nominee is so important to all conservatives. We need someone strong and wise, someone who understands that a healthy society needs something a little bit more substantial than compassion for a foundation. Someone that's a constitutional scholar with a degree from a decent school, (unlike O'Connor who got her law degree from Sears). Someone who can bring the court back from the edge of the precipice which it now finds itself teetering on. Someone blonde.

Why not the best? Why not me? There is a groundswell already. I feel as though it's a done deal. There is no question about where I stand on the issues. I'm young enough to rule for forty years. And I look terrific in black.

2005, Mark Hoback