Fool Me, Fool Me, Fool Me,  Fool Me - You Get The Idea
Ann Coulter

July 28, 2005

"He's a scholarly man; he has a good education; he has been recommended by legal authorities; he has a good record in lower courts." President George Bush

"He is a 'stealth nominee.' ... The right's not yelling; the left is trying to yell but can't find much to yell about." Bob Beckel

"You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wannna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend." - Al Pacino

"Virtually every conservative who knows him trusts him and thinks he's a competent guy." Newt Gingrich

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." - Rodney Dangerfield

"(He) seems to be a judicial conservative, what we call a constitutional constructionist. ... That's satisfactory with us, if that's true." National Right to Life's John Willke

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." - Me!!!!!

"One of my greatest regrets is that I urinated on the Alamo." -
Ozzy Osbourne

 "This is a home run." President Bush's chief of staff

Boy, do I ever love quotes. I've got half my column written in just fifteen minutes, giving me a full thirty to work on the gist of the piece. And the gist is this: those quotes were not about Supreme Court nominee John G Roberts! Really! I bet you could not see that one coming. See, the trick was to begin and end with President Bush, and you're thinking, well, she said President Bush so there's nothing to be suspicious of here. Tricked you!

A long time ago, back when I was a little girl, there was another President Bush who was also called George Bush, except he didn't have a W in his name. Well, yes, I guess he did, but it was a HW which is kind of a 'haugh' sound, very European. And that President Bush nominated a small and ugly little man for the Supreme Court, a man who lived in a little, rough-hewn cabin in the woods of New Hampshire and avoided all the "women folk". And that ugly little nancy-boy was none other than David Hackett Souter. Ewww. You know how they say you can tell a lot about people by their name? Ewwwwwww!!!

Why do I hate Souter so much? Honestly, people, I can't be expected to do all of your thinking for you. Get out and do a little research. The salient point is that I have the strongest feeling - almost like gas - that Roberts is going to be exactly like Souter, except not as small and definitely not as ugly. He's not really ugly at all when I think about it. In spite of his wife and kids, I think I would probably date him. Except that he would be a 'mystery date', and while a mystery date is just fine for casual sex, it's not okay for the Supreme Court, if you catch my flow.

Roberts would have been a fine candidate for court in the Clinton mis-administration - that's what we would have expected from Mister Stick-it-where-it-fits. But now we have 55 Republican seats in the Senate and the vice president to cast a deciding vote and Son of Read-My-Lips gives us another ideological blind date. He's no more of a man than his father was. I would not accept a blind person under any circumstances. Okay, you say, what if your mystery date was blind? Oh big deal - let's see him try to find me once I say adios.

2005, M Hoback