Allawi Showered With Shoes

An angry crowd confronted Iraq's former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi at a Shiite shrine south of Baghdad on Sunday, forcing him to flee in a hail of stones and shoes. Allawi called the attack an assassination attempt. - AP via ABC

"Ouch! What in Hades? Someone hit me with a... Owww!"

"Quickly, Ayad, we must spirit you away. The crowd is almost entirely barefoot.Look out!"

"Ouch! Mohammadammit! I'm being pelted with footwear! This is outrageous. Stop it, you people, stop it right now! I'll have the guards round you... Owww! Hey. Look at this, it's a Bruno Maglia. Does anybody see the other one?"

"Here you are, Ayad, but we must make haste."

"What is it that these dreadful people are yelling?"

"I believe it is 'God cursed the Baptists'."

"God cursed the Baptists?"

"Maybe it's Baathists."

"Oh, no, not that again... Listen, that was a long time ago, you know, back before the Baathists Party totally sold out. It was a youthful indiscretion. Back then... Ouch! Mohammadammit! You have the correct strategy, Sahid. Let us flee."

"After the prayers, a group of about 60 people dressed in black and carrying daggers and pistols started chants against us," Allawi told reporters. "We have seven bullet shells from the incident. One of them lost his gun when he tried to shoot me. We believe that these are hurtful rebels. This will increase our insistence to cleanse the country of them. We warn them that after the elections, we, the people in power, will pursue them toughly." -Washington Post

"In the name of Allah, I condemn you now to the flaming... What? Uh, you haven't seen my gun, have you? It's about this big and it has an engraving of a llama on the..."

"It's my gun now, you infidel!"

"Oh. I see... May I please have it back?"

"Indeed you may not, you hurtful rebel. Just look at this bruise on my noggin. Somebody hit me with a spiked heel... Hmmm, I wonder... Are you rioting with girls?"

"Never! In the name of all that is holy, I repeat, never!"

"It was pink suede, with a three inch heel. You were rioting with girls, weren't you. Admit it, infidel! I have your gun."

"Doesn't have any bullets in it..."

"I have my own bullets."

"Aiiiyeee! You win, you win. I was rioting with girls. But... But... The thing you said about hurtful rebels, that's really not true. We're more of an angry mob, actually."

"It matters not to me. You just better watch your step, you son of a swine. If I win the election, I might just cleanse the country of people like you."

"In that case, you won't be getting my vote."

"You matter less to me then the flea matters to the camel. I don't need your filthy vote. When the Iraqi people rise to... Owww! Who threw that sandal?"

 

2005, Mark Hoback