Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had harsh words for his domestic critics today, calling them 'humorless miscreants of the worst kind' and saying that he would not rest until every Iranian was 'laughing with me, not at me'.

A number of his opponents have been increasingly vocal in their criticism as of late, fearing that Ahmadinejad's "little jokes on the West might come back to bite us on our ass if he doesn't watch it". They also express cynicism over his statements that 'he kids because he loves'.

Critics point out Ahmadinejad's recent comments to a group of clerics as an example. These statements came as the members of the UN Security Counsel were meeting to discuss new sanctions on Iran. Ahmadinejad compared Iran's nuclear program to an out of control locomotive, and said that "The train of the Iranian nation is without brakes and a rear gear ... We dismantled the reverse gear and brakes of the train and threw them away some time ago."

"Now that's just crazy talk," said Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. "I mean, what sort of idiot would call our nuclear initiative a runaway train? And he says what? That we purposely ripped off the breaks and stripped the gears? That kind of talk even scares me. With Allah as my witness, I do believe it's time for me to get out and start being a little more involved in the day-to-day affairs around this country."

"Trains are funny," said a dejected Ahmadinejad, speaking from a Tehran hotel where he had gone to sulk. "Trains are inherently funny. When you see a train go into a tunnel it's a timeless sort of humor that transcends language and nationality. It's really kind of embarrassing that I even have to explain this."


2007, Mark Hoback