Abu Hamza al-Muhajir is Surprise Winner

al-Qaeda was once again the main topic being discussed at water coolers throughout Iraq today, as the terrorist organization announced that mystery man Abu Hamza al-Muhajir would take over the position of Iraqi Chief Terror Officer from the recently retired Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

In an announcement on the As Sahab web site, al-Qaeda praised al-Muhajir as "a beloved brother with jihadi experience and a strong footing in knowledge. Plus, he has no face, so it will be as though the infidels are being slaughtered by an invisible man. Nothing can stop the plan of the Prophet now."

Col. Tom Harden, an Army intelligence officer stationed in Iraq, snorted in derision at the al-Qaeda claim. "al-Muhajir, huh? You know, we have some guys that speak Arabic, and they tell me that the name means 'immigrant'. Now I'm not one to play semantics, but given the fact that Zarqawi never once mention this guy, I'm willing to bet a month's wages that this is nothing but an amusing pseudonym. And the guy is not invisible, no matter how much the bad guys may wish it so. Any man with a big red dot for a mug is going to be pretty easy for us to locate."


2006, Mark Hoback