Moments later the atomic truck was seen driving, still erratically, across the 14th Street Bridge, with the radio turned up all the way to some seventies station. There are reports that the driver littered the bridge with the wrapper from a Monster Thickburger, but these have not yet been confirmed. Bystanders stared angrily and yelled 'Slow down, Buddy', but the truck kept a'rolling.
DC police commissioner James 'Jim' Gordon called the special White House blue telephone with a warning, and everybody who is anybody has been whisked to a secure location.
Authorities worst fears were heightened when the truck made a sharp left onto Pennsylvania Avenue, overturning a hot dog cart owned by Abu Nahasapeemapetilon. "I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise," shouted Abu. "You leave me no choice but to ask you again." Police fired warning flares which missed the truck, instead hitting the remains of Abu's cart.
At present, the truck is parked directly in front of the panic stricken White House. Authorities have not yet been able to make contact with the driver, a big yellow man with three hairs. Senior presidential adviser Karl Rove says that the chief executive will be appraised of the situation as soon as he returns from his bike ride.
© 2005, Mark Hoback
Fox News apologizes for our earlier story reporting that the White House was under attack by an atomic truck and all personnel had been evacuated.
As correspondent Jim Heyword points out, this is Saturday, and no one in Washington is in fact working.
Should there be any such attack, stay tuned to Fox News for breaking developments.