Insane dictator Kim Jong-il continued his country's descent  into abject poverty today by threatening all nations with a bad attitude with serious consequences, none of which he bothered to elaborate on. The list of threatened countries includes everyone except for Sierra Leone, Canada, and Togo.

While some nations fear North Korea's mighty nuclear arsenal, most experts believe that Jong will respond via an embargo on exports to the rest of the world. Aside from mushrooms, clams, and cheap t-shirts, North Korea is the world's leading producer of Cocoa Balls, a breakfast cereal know for it's unspeakable foulness.

Singled out for particular scorn was the United States. In his statement, Jong warned that "If the U.S. keeps pestering us and increases pressure, we wirr regard it as a decraration of war and wirr take a series of physicar corresponding measures. No more Cocoa Barrs for you."

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice replied that "the United States is not a nation of pesterers," and assured the lunatic strongman that "we have no intention of attacking or invading you, although we may very well continue to belittle your nasty little Cocoa Balls. They won't even eat that shit in East Timor."