"Condi... Condi... CONNNDIII."

"Mmm. Yeah. Laura... Laura... LAURRRRA."

"Coming Woopsie."

"<grumble><grumble>, <grumble><grumble><grumble>... Laura, where in Hades are my cufflinks?"

"Of which cufflinks do you speak, George?"

"My lucky cufflinks, of course. The ones that Prescott gave to Dad, that he wore to his inauguration. The ones that Dad gave to me, that I wore to my first inauguration. The ding dang lucky cufflinks, those are the cufflinks of which I speak."

"Let me think. Nope. Haven't seen them. Sorry."

"Sorry won't do. Those cufflinks are imb..., imbod..., covered with magic, well not magic exactly, they're... they're my goddam lucky cufflinks is what they are. Where the Sam Hill are those things?"

"I did see Barney sniffing around the presidential dresser..."

"Oh no! Not Barney! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, don't let that cotton-pickin dog anywhere near the presidential dressing room. Remember last year when he totally ruined my presidential slippers? Oh man, I can't believe you let Barney eat my lucky cufflinks."

"I didn't say he ate them, did I? He was just in the room, sniffing around. Maybe he was looking for the presidential pretzels."

"He can have those for all I care. I'm just worried about my lucky cufflinks. Maybe I should call the Surgeon General..."

"Rich Carmona? Good luck. You've got a better chance of finding the cufflinks than you do of finding him."

"Carmona? Who the hell is that? I thought that funny looking guy was the surgeon general. What's his name - Kook?"

"Koop? Oh heavens no, he resigned back when your dad was still president."

"Dad. Dear old Dad. The man who gave me my lucky cufflinks."

"Well, cheer up snoogums. I've got a surprise for you. Look! It's a lucky tie tack. I found it at the Smithsonian. It was worn by both John and Quincy Adams at their inaugurations, and now it's going to be worn by you!"

"It's okay..."

"Okay? Look at the detail! That's a tiny picture of a tiny Washington crossing a tiny Delaware! It's exquisite."

"Yeah. Pretty nice. But all the same I'm going to have the secret service check out all the Barney biscuits."



2005, Mark Hoback