Tech Talk
Dan Sparoni, Mafia CIO

So everybody's talking Google this and Google that until you're just so fucking sick of it you could blow their fucking heads off. Come on... Yeah, if I had my way we could have made a couple quick mill on it, but no, Vinnie's got to sink all our hard earned money into race horses.

You wanna know what's wrong with the mob? I'll tell you what's wrong with the mob - outdated technology, that's what. You need to send somebody a message, use the goddamn email, why doncha? Or fucking text, if you wanna be all fancy.

 Why go to all the trouble to use a perfectly good horse's head, unless maybe you're trying to communicate to Vinnie why it might be a good fucking idea to diversify the portfolio. You need a little inside info, you know what you do? No, you don't send out a couple of goons to soften someone up a little. Get outta here. Whatta you doing, living in the 1970's or something? Think you're a tough guy? I tell you what you do, you get on your goddamn computer and you fire up your Google and you get your information nice and easy without creating a mess. Yeah, Vinnie, $105 a share we could of bought in. Maybe next time you'll listen to your CIO, you retard.

I dunno. Sometimes it's like beating your head against the wall working for a firm like this. Take data mining. I talk myself blue in the face about how we need to get into data mining. And Carlo Vittisac - Mister 'I ain't giving another nickel to that crook Bill Gates' - has the nerve to say to me, "What the hell are you talking about with all this data mining, Danny, none of the guys even know what you're talking about." And I just explode. "It's the goddamn nontrivial extraction of implicit, previously unknown, and potentially useful information from the fucking data, you goddam moron."

And Carlo just looks at me and says "Simmer down, Sport. You know that and I know that, but the guys all wanna know what it's gonna add to the coffers." "Add to the coffers?" I shout, and I believe my outrage is totally justified. "You shoulda thought about the fucking coffers before you let Vinnie invest in that ridiculous nag of a racehorse. I gotta tell you how valuable it would be to identify the easy marks ahead of time? That's fucking gold for our coffers, that's what that is." I dunno, he tells me, and then slides out mumbling something about a staff meeting.

Why get myself so upset?. It's not worth talking about. I need to just resign myself to the fact that I'm working with a bunch of nitwits. I'm only the CIO - why should anybody listen to me? As long as the network is up, these clowns are happy.

 

2005, Mark Hoback