Delay Begins Third Day of Humility

House Majority Leader Tom Delay was stricken by a severe attack of humility on Thursday as he spoke at a National Day of Prayer event on Capitol Hill. He told the attendees all about the importance of humility among government officials and asked for continued prayers for Congress. He was quite sincere, he really was. You could see in his eyes that he was truly a changed man.

"No man, woman or homosexual of any faith, no faith or anti-faith can truly love or like, truly serve or at least help out,  truly dare mighty deeds or good deeds or just deeds in general, truly hope for the future or truly honor the past, without a hungry heart. Lay down your money and you play your part, believe me. Or don't believe me. It's not humble to say that, even though I hope you do."

Today, Saturday, two days removed from the National Day of Prayer on Thursday, Senator Delay prepares for his third day of humility. It's an on-going process, but as Delay says "a truly great man can do what needs to be done. I'm that man, and humility is the plan." Delay was so proud of his speech on humility, in fact, that he sent it out as a press release.

"Like I told the press, I'm working on my humility every day, so get the fuck out of my face. Heh, heh. That's what the old Tom Delay would have said, not the new improved humble Tom Delay. The new Tom Delay realizes that he didn't really write that humility speech. The Lord wrote it, using Tom Delay as his very special vessel."