President Bush spoke briefly to members of the press this morning to tout his meeting with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, but the meeting soon spun out of control when the President clashed verbally with one of the reporters.

Bush opened things up on a jovial note by offering a rack of ribs to the first person who could spell Erdogan's name correctly. The winner was Reuters White House correspondent Steve Holland, who became visibly angry when Bush told him he was just joking about the ribs. He retaliated by asking the president about the now famous Downing Street Memo.

"Isn't this the smoking gun, Mr. President," he asked snidely. "Isn't this the proof that you misled the American people about the reason for going to war? Huh?"

"You watch the tone of your voice, Stetch. About that memo - it's a piece of trash. Ain't credible. Just a ploy by the political opposition to damage my boy Tony. Next topic and next question."

"I demand another question."

"You're shit out of luck. Smitty?"

"I'm donating my question to Holland."

"Ha ha, Mister President, answer me this. What's all this brouhaha about your aide Cooney - who we know used to be a lobbyist for the American Petroleum Institute - altering environmental reports to make it look like greenhouse gasses weren't a factor in global warming? What do you have to say about them apples?"

"I say that I just got handed a note by my boy Scotty here that says that the only reason you asked that first question was to try to collect the thousand dollar reward offered by for embarrassing the president, that's what I got to say, you crumb bum. What you got to say?"

"I say that's pretty big talk coming from the same sleazeball who backed out of signing the Kyoto treaty because ExxonMobil told you it would be bad for business. Ha! Top that one."

"I heard your wife is doing the nasty with Helen Thomas. Now get the hell out of my White House."

"Give me my ribs!"

"I'll have my boys break your ribs. Now out. Everybody out. Press conference dismissed."


2005, Mark Hoback