Once Again, Into the Bugeye State

Florida is ready to enact a new law which will put an end to those embarrassing incidents in life where one is afraid to slay one's provoker out of fear of harassment by an out of control judicial system that is far more interested in the rights of mean people than they are in people who are just minding their own goddam business.

From the Orlando Sentinel: Gov. Jeb Bush said he plans to sign the measure into law, even though opponents contend it amounts to legalized dueling that could lead to simple arguments escalating into fatal fights.

The bill (SB 436), a top priority of the National Rifle Association in Tallahassee this year, won final approval in the House on Tuesday by a 94-20 vote. Two weeks ago, it passed the Senate 39-0.

No longer will the bullies be able to kick sand in your face. No longer will Mrs. Callahan be able to wheel a full grocery cart into the '8 Items or Less' aisle. Rep. Dennis Baxley, who is the bill's sponsor, likes to trivialize things, saying that SB 436 requires you to play fair. He wants everything to be nice and reciprocal, citing the Golden Rule: "You can only do what somebody does to you." Bullshit! Hey, you don't take a knife to a gunfight! What's wrong with you, Baxley?

Assistant State Attorney Bill Gross says

"As it is right now, we see tragedies in our court system every day involving citizens who don't exercise restraint. Now they are under less legal requirement to use restraint before resorting to violence. I believe this is a step backward."

Bullshit! responds Tom Lambert, the owner of Central Florida Firearms.

"It's going to make the boogeyman think twice."

Or maybe that boogeyman is going to think three times and just go home. Rep. Baxley looks into his crystal ball and predicts that "some violent rape will not occur because somebody felt empowered by this bill."

"I noticed him right away. Muscular and swarthy, a barracuda tattooed on his forearm. I believe he was a Cuban, or some variation on that theme. He was drinking some awful domestic beer - Bush Bavarian in bottles, I believe. He pretended to be watching the dog races, but I knew he was looking at me. It was the lascivious way he cracked open his peanuts, pushing them obscenely into his mouth, one by one. Perhaps I should run, while I still had the chance. But no! This was my bar too! A girl should be able to drink a few Blue Motorcycles without having to worry about being raped. Take back the night! I felt resolute and determined as I lit another Lucky. That's when Pedro stood, and I saw the bulge in his jeans. A weapon..."



2005, Mark Hoback