Interior Secretary Gale Norton tickles the president's ass with a feather

Interior secretary Gale Norton announced her resignation from the Bush cabinet today, a move that set many high-placed tongues wagging about her ineffectiveness in the position.

"I don't think her lack of success had anything to do with her being a woman," said Education Secretary Margaret Spellings. "I think it had more to do with her lack of aggressiveness, her totally non-existent management skills, and the dearth of any ideas of her own. Jeez Louise, anything the president said, she was all over it like white on rice. Early in her term, Bush said 'Why can't we drill for oil in Alaska', and she had a twenty man - pardon me, twenty person - project team on a crash study before she realized that it was a rhetorical question. When Bush talked about selling the national forests to help finance tax cuts, Gale was on e-Bay before the president had even left the podium. It wasn't lack of enthusiasm. I think she was just stupid."

"There will never be a perfect time to leave," Norton wrote in her resignation. "There will never be a perfect anything, except, perhaps, for a perfect fool, of which I am a prime example. I believed that my affection for the president would one day bear fruit, if only I could find a way to get rid of that dreadful Karen Hughes. Yeah, right. She left and he brought in that school-teacher slut Maggie Spellings. He liked the way she looked in glasses. Ooh, what a bitch. And then last year he brought Hughes back, and I have no idea of what's going on, and I'm not sticking around to find out."

Ms. Norton will be taking a senior executive position at BRW Earth Extraction Industries, a mining corporation specializing in mountaintop removal.


2006, Mark Hoback