Confirming the very worst fears of social conservatives, the annual White House Egg Roll today quickly descended into a gigantic homosexual orgy almost as soon as gay parents were allowed through the gates. As far as the eye could see, guys and guys, and girls and girls pawed each other ruthlessly on the neatly manicured White House lawn, much to the dismay of the other participants.

Decent parents were scandalized, and small children were seen moving zombie-like, their eyes glazed over with shock. Many parents quickly escorted their children from the grounds, while others scampered to the relative comfort of the Easter Tent. Among the brave straight parents who stayed, many refused to allow their kids to participate in the Egg Roll itself out of fear of what might happen once the children bent over.

"Another disaster," moaned spokesman Scott McClellan. "And I don't have a clue as how to spin this one other than to say that these were all Democrats. Every one of them. I mean let's face it - would any conservative ever be a gay parent? God forbid, and if one did happen to be a gay parent, at least they would have the decency to be one within the sanctity of a traditional man-woman marriage. No, this is a liberal thing."

"Oh my, people are really over-reacting to this," said Randi Wheeler, a twenty-six year old lesbian mother of two who attended the event. "This is simply the way gay people greet each other - a little hugging, a little kissing, a little rolling around on the ground. I personally saw very little nudity, and I was looking. This was all about the children, not about promoting our radical homosexual agenda.".