General X, mysterious leader of the SCOFS

Three star General Douglas E. Lute, now serving as George Bush's personal 'War Czar', was severely embarrassed yesterday when General X, mysterious leader of the Secret Council Of Four Stars, seized control of the CSPAN-2 broadcast signal and challenged him to respond to an unanswerable question.

"Riddle me this, War Czar," said the green hooded figure, his mouth drawn into a grimace of steely determination. "Why would the military discharge fifty-eight gay Arabic translators at a time when military intelligence in the Middle East barely has the skill to tell the difference between the men's room and the ladies? Are we cutting off our nose to spite our face, or are we protecting our ass by covering it? If you don't want to get left behind, General, you'd better get to the bottom of this. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

"I don't care for the tone of General X's comments," said Lute, clearly irked, "nor do I care for his double entendres, and if not for the fact that he outranks me, I would surely give him a piece of my mind. But hear this, General X, should our paths ever cross in my specific area of responsibility, I shall not hesitate for a moment to use my presidentially granted powers to override your will, if that's okay, sir."

"Get a load of General Dougie-boy, will ya," said four star General David Petraeus, commander of the Iraqi forces. "Sounds to me like somebody's trying to avoid the question. What is it, soldier, why are you firing those translators? Hey, it's not my fault that the buck stops with you now."

"Couldn't agree with you more, General Petraeus," chimed in Admiral William Fallon, the four star commander of CENTCOM. "I mean, gosh, I have no idea who this General X might be, but when your superior officer has a question, Dougie-boy, you damn well better have an answer."

 

2007, Mark Hoback