General Kevin P. Byrnes: "Guilty of Something"

The US Army announced today that it had taken the rare step of disciplining someone above the rank of Corporal. Four star general Kevin P. Byrnes has been accused of 'doing-something-but-we-won't-say-what'. Byrnes, who lost his upper lip in a Somalian fire-fight, was forced to retire two months before he was set to step down as head of the Training and Doctrine Command.

Defense Secretary Rumsfeld refused to elaborate other than to note that the investigation focused on matters of personal conduct. "Oh I could talk," he said. "I could speak reams. You know me. But I keep a tight ship and I keep a closed lip, and I... hey what's with those big white stars on the red background? Oops. Pardon me. I'll say no more, I'll say no more."




2005, M Hoback