President Hails Fledgling Democracy in Georgia

George Bush today became the first American president since Jimmy Carter to travel to Georgia, and the first ever to visit the state since it became a democracy in 1987. He was welcomed by a host of dignitaries, including Governor Sunny Perdue and former senator 'Zany' Zell Miller.

Perdue, younger brother of Frank Perdue, the inventor of the first truly tender chicken, said that the president had promised to normalize trade relations with the state, in exchange for a pledge to end ethnic cleansing. "Dang it," quipped Miller, "just when we finally got plumbing in most of the houses."

The three men made a side trip to Augusta, where the president lay a wreath at the good foot of a life-size statue of the state's most famous son, the hardest working man in show business, the godfather of soul, Mister Dynamite, Soul brother number one, Mister James Brown. "Mister Brown was a very funky American," Bush said in impromptu remarks. "Back when I was in the guard, we had 8-tracks in all the jets, and nothing I used to like better than cranking that baby up full blast. I'm talking about both the F-102 and the tape deck. 'Sex Machine', ''The Big Payback', I loved 'em all. And as loud as those engines got, you could still always hear the beat. I say, Good god, y'all. Yowww! Get on the scene, like a sex machine. Ain't it funky now."

"Yeah, it really was very funky," opined Perdue. "That's something our two great nations can agree on."


2005, Mark Hoback