President Says 'What The Heck'

In what is widely seen as an attempt to placate first lady Laura, President Bush's latest nomination to the Supreme Court is a woman who shares his love of the color blue.

"Blue is the color of the sky, the color of the ocean, the color of Laura," observed Bush, while announcing the nomination of attorney Harriet Miers to replace retiring justice Sandra Day O'Connor. "It's a peaceful color, a tranquil color. I read somewhere that blue causes the human body to produce those calming hormones, you know, amorphites."

While there is no scientific evidence that the color blue actually does cause the human body to produce amorphites, some people believe it to be true. "There are a boatload of things that we just don't know about amorphites," says human body scientist Daniel Froomkin, "and one of those things is the effect that the color blue has in aiding their production. Their production of what? I don't know, but I'm willing to give the president the full benefit of the doubt on the issue."

The choice of Ms. Miers came under immediate attack by some conservatives. "What's all this nonsense about amorphites," asked pundit Michelle Malkin. "You can buy amorphites for a few bucks on any street corner. It's not just that Miers has zero judicial experience. It's that she's so transparently a crony/diversity pick while so many other vastly more qualified and impressive candidates went to waste. And as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't even look that good in blue."

"That's just nonsense," replied Bush. "She looks great in blue."



2005, Mark Hoback