Although Karl Rove described her as 'tough as nails', White House counsel and surprise Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers is apparently not tough enough to handle the sort of worn-in grease and grime that have so long stained the national Pants of Honor.

"She's served the President well for six years now," said spokesman Tony Snow, "but now we need something stronger. Make no mistake, she was the perfect counsel for our daily needs. Whites came out white, and the delicates always came out spotless. The thing is, there were always those stubborn stains that wouldn't come out, no matter how hard you scrubbed. And it never really was a problem before. Just like Jerry Lewis throws out day-old socks, the President would just toss his nastiest garments into a secret hamper behind the Situation Room."

"Well... when I say into, I really mean 'in the vicinity of', because that hamper was already overflowing a few years back, and then even  the top of the hamper was full before long, and now those filthy pants litter the whole passageway. You can't hardly walk back there; it's hazardous, not to mention noxious. So you see, when we say that no one is going to be looking through the president's dirty laundry, we're not being 'secretive'. It's more of a security concern".


2007, Mark Hoback