Man Bites Pig

With the Middle East literally blowing up before his eyes and beneath his feet, and with his administration having alienated our allies, sacked our treasury, destroyed the shared basis of rational thought and discourse, and so on and so on, the President has but one thing on his mind as he prepares for the G-8 conference:

I'm gonna eat me some pig!

Yes, it's well known that the flesh of pigs is delicious, a fact not lost on our commander-in-chief, who has been drooling all week long, walking around and mumbling/rapping/it's-hard-to tell, but it goes like this:  'piggy pig pig, gonna eat me some pig, make him real juicy and make him real big, piggy pig pig, that's the thing that I dig, Olde English 800, brother gimme a swig, cause it taste mighty good with some piggy pig pig'. Oh, it was driving everybody simply crazy, all that incessant pig talk, and you would think that the man had never eaten swine in his life.

I guess that German Chancellor Angela Merkel has discovered the way to Bush's tiny heart, for whatever that's worth. I'm sorry, I can't find a picture of the roast boar in question - it's probably top secret, but I'm willing to bet it shows up in the Inquirer before TomKat's eagerly awaited baby.

And why shouldn't it? It's a humongous good godalmighty honkin' hefty slab of charbroiled porcine flesh. Mmmm-mmmm, as the president might say, and probably did.

Hey - want some snippets from yesterday's Bush-Merkel press availability session yesterday? Of course you do. And then you can have some pig.

From Bush's opening remarks: I'm looking forward to the feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of slicing the pig. [snip] ...we discussed a lot of things, in other words. And thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to that pig tonight.

At one point, a reporter asks: 'apart from the pig, Mr. President, what sort of insights have you been able to gain as regards East Germany?' Now I don't know... Maybe Bush had his mouth full at this point, or maybe he had just let his attention wander. And it's possible that he said something nasty and/or pig related. I'm working with the White House transcript here, and the next thing it says is [inaudible]. (The AP quotes him as saying 'I haven't seen the pig yet.) Probably true, because Merkel picks the thread right up. Neither have I, but apparently a camera team was there when it was shot. So apparently it is already there, physically. I hope it's actually roasting; otherwise we won't be able to eat it tonight.

Then towards the end of this very brief availability, a reporter asks about the bombing of the Beirut airport, and whether Iran is now past the US deadline. Bush responds: I thought you were going to ask me about the pig.

Okay. I think we've all learned a lot here today. Nothing useful, but still, let me recap...

Pigs are delicious.



2006, Mark Hoback