Sorry Just Isn't Good Enough, Mister

Saying that freedom of the press "is a privilege, not a right,"  White House spokesman Scott McClellan spelled out some of the steps that the disgraced 'news' magazine Newsweek should take in order to undo the odious damage it has caused to the US and it's loving relationship with the Arab world.

"First and foremost, we would very much like to see the immediate firing of editor Mark Whitaker. He's a very bad man, a man with an agenda, and that agenda is to destroy the president and his mandate by any means necessary, even if it means plunging our troops into harms way, even if it means extreme danger to every man, woman and child - especially the children - in this great land of ours. Michael Isikoff, the writer of this false piece of propaganda, is also a very bad man, and rest assured, we do have our plans for him. Still, as is so implicitly shown by this administration, the buck always stops here, and by 'here', I am referring to the president, or the editor, whichever the case may be."

"I want to put this issue in the clearest terms possible. If there should be another terrorist attack on American soil, it will not be because of the failure of the president and his policies. It will be because of one man, and one man alone - Mark Whitaker. So getting rid of him is job number one, above of which we shall put no other job."

"Secondly, in order to ensure that an incident of this gravity never again takes place, the White House would like to appoint the new editor of Newsweek. No up and down vote, no simple majority, just a case of we say it and you do it. As our candidate, we select someone who is loved and trusted by all the people of the world, irregardless of their faith or nationality. The new editor will be Barney the Dog."

"Now, I want to pause here, and assure you that this administration is totally cognizant of the fact that not necessarily does even a very intelligent dog have the capabilities needed to be a viable senior editor. Anyone who has ever tried to housebreak a dog can tell you that. What we are interested in is providing the American people - and indeed, the people of the world - with an object lesson. They need to understand that the truth is not necessarily the truth, particularly when it's focused through the lens of the liberal media. And a lie is not necessarily a lie, particularly if it's a lie that's been reported by the aforementioned sources. The truth is more a matter of faith than it is a byproduct of reality, and facts are like the thorns in the crown of Jesus, as should be clear to all God fearing citizens. Plus, there's nothing much funnier than seeing a dog sitting behind a desk, pretending to use a typewriter."



2005, Mark Hoback