Nation Holds Breath; Is There Hope for Hastert?

Apr. 7, (FGAQ) -- Hours after undergoing kidney stone surgery at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the condition of House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert is being called questionable by Senate majority leader Bill Frist.

"I'm really disturbed at this outcome," opined Frist, who is not only a senator, but also a heart surgeon, and therefore can provide twice the diagnostic skill of an ordinary man.

"Based on a review of the video footage of the operation, which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office, it's bad, real bad. You know, I have a pretty fancy VCR, so I could look at the operation in slow motion, and then repeat it, fast forward, everything. You look at Denny's face, and their is nothing there, no signs of life or intelligence. That footage, to me, depicts something very similar to a persistent vegetative state."

Hastert was reached for comment at Bethesda, where he will be discharged later today. "That idiot Frist. Talk about no signs of intelligence. I went to him for a second opinion before I had this surgery, and he told me 'All right. You're ugly too'."