"All right, Hennen-heads, you've been listening to our interview with the big banana, Donald 'Mister' Rumsfeld, here on Hot Talk at WDAY-AM, 970 on your radio dial, broadcasting from the frozen tundra of North Dakota, where, I've got to tell you, folks, it's already colder than a witches teat. And speaking of witches teats, how does the idea of Speaker Pelosi strike your imagination? Boooo!"
"Well, it's almost Halloween, Mister Rumsfeld sir, so I hope you'll indulge me when I put the fear of God into all the Hennen-heads. So, we're back with Donald Rumsfeld, and Mister Rumsfeld sir, we have one last question for you - well, it's not so much a question as it is a statement, and my question would be whether or not you agree with me."
"Okay, here goes, this is the Hot Talk question - or statement, if you prefer - and Mister Rumsfeld sir, we're putting you on Scott Hennon's Hot Talk Hot Seat. I contend, sir, that the terrorists are ratcheting up the violence in Iraq for the sole purpose of giving liberals a boost in the mid-term elections."
"Here they are, getting up every day saying, 'We’ve got an election in two weeks in America, gang, and we want to change horses over there because we don’t like the folks we’re having to deal with now; they’re a little tough on us. So let’s get out there and let’s make some noise'. Now, they're probably not saying that in the exact accent that I just used, which truth be told, is not much different than my Mexican accent, but the part about the horses and the part about making some noise I think is pretty spot on, particularly if you consider making some noise as a euphemism for killing Americans. And I don’t get the sense the American people have a sense they’re being played in that fashion. Your thoughts, sir."
“Probably not. It’s hard. No one likes to think they’re being manipulated. They believe that they can make their own judgments and the like.”
"There you go, Secretary of Defense Donald 'Mister' Rumsfeld, agreeing with me, your host Scott Hennen, here on Hot Talk, WDAY-AM. And now it's time to go to commercials but whoa!, what's that!, it's the Hot Talk Hot Line!, and my assistant Mister Snidely is indicating that it's a call from the Vice President of the United States! Hello Mister Cheney!"
"Hello, Scott. I was just listening to you stir it up there with my old pal Rummy."
"Indeed I was, Mister Vice President. You're obviously referring to the Hot Seat Hot Topic here on Scott Hennon's Hot Talk. And now let me pose the same question to you. Are the terrorists trying to influence our election in your view?"
"I think they're very much aware of our political calendar here, I really do. And when you see the kinds of things that happened this year, for example, when the Democratic Party in Connecticut purged Joe Lieberman, in effect, drummed him out of the party on the grounds that he had supported the President in the global war on terror, that sends a message to the terrorists overseas that their basic strategy of trying to break the will of the American people may, in fact, work."
"Purging Joe Lieberman, that's just another sign of bin Laden's malignant power. Now check this out, this is a Hot Topic Hot Tip. I have a Pentagon source that tells me there are websites out there that they've just recently translated that actually refer to the election and ask for an up-tick in violence to try and influence the election, is that accurate?"
"I wouldn't be surprised. It sounds right to me."
"Thanks for calling in, Mister Cheney. We'll be back in a minute, folks, for more Hot Talk here on the Scott Herman show. Coming up we've got an Iraq veteran running for congress, Ms Tammy Duckworth, who doesn't agree with me. Apparently, she does not care that the terrorists are funding her campaign just as long as she can have her own little moment of power. Wait till you see me put her on the Hot Talk Hot Seat. Be right back."
*blue text denotes actual quotes
©2006, Mark Hoback