You Can't Even See This Headline!

Man's ancient quest for invisibility moved one step closer today, as scientists announce they now understand the science required to create a cloak of invisibility . As reported by the AP, Reuters, oh hell, just about everywhere what with the world being so excited about the possibility, all that remains to be done is perfect the manufacture of metamaterials which can bend electromagnetic radio waves and visible light in any direction. Then, you see, the light flows around you so you're invisible! and you don't so much as cast a shadow.

For years, mankind has harbored an almost intrinsic desire to toss on the Cloak of Invisibility and rush forward into the amazingly accessible ladies locker room of the future. Perhaps your goal is as noble as wishing to aid those less fortunate than yourself while telling them you're a ghost, or as humble as wanting only to slip a 40 of Olde English 800 past that clerk who always checks IDs. No matter. As usual, the military gets all the cool stuff first. This is a Pentagon project, managed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency.

Defense Secretary Rumsfeld gave a briefing on the project yesterday at a high level meeting at the Pentagon. "Sorry ordinary Americans," the Secretary said, as he entered the closed-door briefing, "you're going to have to wait in line for this baby."

During the briefing, Rumsfeld demonstrated an early prototype of the technology. While he didn't exactly turn invisible, those in attendance said he got quite blurry, making it much easier for him to blend into his surroundings. One high level source spoke enthusiastically about the project.

"Obviously, the implications are quite sweeping. If you were to be careful not to make any noise or bump into anything, you could creep right into a meeting between Ahmadinejad and his cabinet. Oh man, this is going to be so cool."



2006, Mark Hoback