US Agent Wally Baxter runs reconnaissance outside of Zanjan rock depository

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Bush administration has been carrying out secret reconnaissance missions to learn about nuclear, chemical and missile sites in Iran in preparation for possible airstrikes there, journalist Seymour Hersh said Sunday. The effort has been under way at least since last summer, Hersh said on CNN's "Late Edition."

"That's just crazy talk," said White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett. "If we were carrying out secret missions, that would mean that nobody knew about them. So if CNN is reporting on any missions, well, ipso facto, know what I mean?"

"Besides - reality check here - who are you going to believe, the United States government or some guy named Seymour? You know what most people think of when they hear the name Seymour? Seymour Butts! Yeah, and then they just can't take them seriously at all... Think about it. This Hersh fellow seems to be totally obsessed with butts. What was his last story? That's right, Abbie Grabbie, and all those pictures of dogs biting terrorists on the butt, and terrorists making butt pyramids, and on and on ad nauseum. Sheesh. The American people are into values, not butts."

"Getting back to the issue, what we do know is that the Iranians are harboring huge stockpiles of deadly projectile rocks, many of which seem to be making their way into the hands of militant Palestinians. I won't deny that we've issued strong warnings to Tehran telling them that they must dispose of these rocks with great expediency, or else. You know what 'or else' means? Of course you don't. It's a secret."

 

2005, Mark Hoback