President Bush proclaimed today that 'Iraq has turned another corner' following the government sanctioned execution of Saddam Hussein's little dog Ernie.

Ernie, who had been Saddam's faithful companion from the happy days of 1997 until his master's capture in a spider-hole in December 2003, has spent the past most of the past three years in a secret canine holding pen outside of Basra. In December, he was convicted for the crime of being "Saddam's faithful companion from the happy days of 1997 until his master's capture in a spider-hole in December 2003", and sentenced to death by hanging.

The execution occurred in spite of world-wide criticism by animal activists as well as ordinary concerned citizens who felt that 'Ernie was a cute little critter'. PETA spokesman Michael McGraw said that "Ernie is an example of what can happen anytime anywhere when a dog becomes a figurative extension of someone who has fallen from favor with the United States government. When you're canine and part of a cross-species relationship, you've got to go with the master you have, not the master you wish you had."

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki called the execution 'an internal affair for Iraq', and said, "Besides, he was an evil little dog, and our nation is stronger without him."

Ernie's hanging was part of a Sunday Threefer, along with top Saddam aide Awad al-Bandar, and Saddam's half brother Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti. All three refrained from whimpering, maintaining a stony silence until the end, although the dignity of the event was somewhat marred when al-Tikriti's head popped off and rolled across the chamber floor.

Ernie received a last meal of rawhide chews and cool water. He has no known survivors.

 

2007, Mark Hoback