Jermaine: Bad Celebrity Relatives, Part 23
What? That ain't me. Not another damn picture of Michael...
Okay, so it hasn't been your year for a long, long time. Your last semi-successful record was twenty years ago, and that was a duet with Pia Zadora. You're living with your mother, away from your ten children, and just wishing you could make Tito money. And when somebody does bother to write about you, they use a picture of your brother since no-one could pick you out of a police lineup.
But still, still, you are a Jackson, dammit, and there ought to be something you could do to earn a buck. Like writing a tell-all about your baby brother. Or at least writing a proposal for a tell-all book about your baby brother.
Mmm, let us say that Jermaine starts off fairly enough, depicting Michael as a complex man with many divergent, uh, attributes, yeah attributes, that's the word I'm looking for. His efforts to write a best seller inspired him to come up with a laundry listof those attributes.
My brother has permanent eyeliner, yes. He's a big homo. He once loaned me three hundred bucks after drinking a beer, and he once bought his own Starbucks, and mostly, he's human. He only has two feet and yet he has amassed over five hundred shoes.
Now that's cold, busting on Debbie Rowe. Here is this woman nobody would ever look twice at (know the feeling, Jermaine?), and suddenly, here she is, raking in massive mounds of Michael moolah.
Let's throw in dad.
And how about Hollywood.
It can't be denied that Jermaine has some blockbuster material in his proposal. So how's it working out for him?
Not so good. Michael got hold of the proposal, told Jermaine that he was going to have him thrown out of the Jackson family home, and vowed to sue ghost-writer Stacy Brown, as well as his worthless empty pocketed brother. Says Brown:
Someday this family will be transformed into the ultimate HBO tragicomedy series. Until then, Jermaine is toeing the line, and talking about his 'real' book proposal, not the phony and salacious proposal the press has been reporting (and which sadly, for the unfortunate Jermaine, is on tape).
Let's get serious.
©2006, Mark Hoback