Senator Joe Biden today announced that he is exploring the possibility of a run for the presidency, but he is taking a cautious approach to the prospect, stating that for the next few months he would be determining "whether I can gather the kind of support" necessary to become a strong candidate. "If, in fact, I think that I have a clear shot at winning the nomination after a few months of very careful observation, then I'm going to go ahead and seek the nomination. I think that's what I'm going to do."

We asked the Senator if this conversely meant that he would drop his presidential ambition like a razor-wire coffee cup should a possible obstacle to his ambitions appear, and he told us that the answer was a definite yes.

"Hey, I'm no Don Quixote here, no impossible dream for this senator, no siree bob. If a major piece of talent like Hillary decides to run, I'm outta here, see you later, think of me when you're picking your veep. No reason to set out on a lost cause."

"John McCain? I don't know, John is a friend of mine, don't ask me to even think about that. Okay, I guess if John were to run, I wouldn't run. I mean, I would just give him that courtesy, even though we're in different parties. I mean, what if I were to run against him? I might lose, or he might win, and that would be just devastating to our relationship."

"Kerry? Oh no, if a man has been his party's nominee once before, he has dibs on it the next time if that's what he wants. Anything less would just be disrespectful. So, the answer is no, I would not run if Kerry should choose to run again, and really, I guess I should say the same about Gore. On the other hand, if it ends up like I expect, with just me and Lieberman, than I say 'Let the best Joe win'."

We asked Biden if he was worried that conservative pundits would try to sabotage any efforts on his part by repeating the same tales of plagiarism that sank his 1988 bid for presidency. He smacked himself on the forehead and moaned. "Oh man, conservative pundits. I didn't even think of that. You know, back in 1988 there were no conservative pundits, at least not the kind you have now on the radio and cable news shows. And the internet! They can tear you apart before you have a clue as to what's happening. Took Howard Dean down in about 36 hours. They can be vicious. Even though it's unlikely, I'd have to say that if the conservative pundits did choose to attack me, I'd fold quicker than 'Hamlet' in Mayberry.


2005, Mark Hoback