The career of former vice-presidential candidate John Edwards has become the latest victim of the mounting wave of violence surrounding the release of the new PlayStation 3.

Thirty-seven year old thug Victor Matheson, who was arrested yesterday for vehicular homicide in the parking lot of a Raleigh Best Buy, has said that he was hired by Edwards to 'bring him a PlayStation, by any means necessary'. The assault resulted in the death of little Timmy Johnson of Davenport.

"Mr. Matheson is obviously an unstable and dangerous individual," Edwards said in a short statement to the press. "When I hired him to help me obtain the new PlayStation, I had every reason to believe that he would proceed in a more conventional manner, making bribes or cutting in front of the line. To suggest that I in anyway had advance knowledge of the ghastly consequences of his search is ludicrous. If I am guilty of anything, it is the hiring of cheap thugs, when for just a little more cash I could have hired a quality thug. The last time I checked, poor money management was not a crime."

 

2006, M Hoback