North Korea Admits to
In a surprising announcement, North Korea's foreign ministry announced that it "really, really, really does have nuclear bombs, very large ones, the size of a small deli," and that they will boycott the US sponsored regional arms control efforts. Pyongyang said they have "manufactured nukes for self-defense to cope with the Bush administration's undisguised policy to isolate and stifle North Korea," and then in a flagrant display of rudeness, taunted the president's mother, calling her a "white haired hyena with eyes reminiscent of bloated water chestnuts".
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice immediately rebutted this statement, saying the president's mother had beautiful eyes, and reminding North Korea that their leader "has a girls name, and looks like a squashed horny-toad".
Kim Jong II did not directly respond to these charges, opting instead to appear on state television, where he told the nation that Prince Charles and that Camilla woman were the two ugliest white people ever, and that even the possibility that they might somehow reproduce "should fill the globe with pangs of shock and horror". He then called the late Princess Diana "a saint, and an honorary North Korean," sang the first verse and chorus of 'Candle in the Wind' accompanied only by a DangPiri player, and retired to his chambers for a nap.
©2005, Mark Hoback