Justice Sunday Limps Into History

Claiming that they 'just forgot about it', millions of Americans failed yesterday to tune into the 'Justice Sunday' broadcast sponsored by Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council. In spite of the fact that the live nationwide TV simulcast was available to an estimated 61 million households in 44 states, the Arbitron ratings show that the total viewership was somewhere in the low five figures.

"Gosh darn it, those heathen liberals have no business trying to filibuster the president's Christian judges," said Arkansas businessman Elmer Batters. "It's just such a shame they had to show this at the same time as day number two of the NFL draft. I was waiting to see where Darrell Shropshire was going to go, and he didn't get picked until the seventh round. If that boy had bothered to comb his hair, I swear he coulda gone somewhere in round six."

“I don't think it's radical to ask senators to vote,” said Senator Frist during Sunday's broadcast. “Now if Senator Reid continues to obstruct the process, we will consider what opponents call the ‘nuclear option.' It's time for us to blast a few caps in Harry Reid's ass."

Frist later apologized for using the word 'ass'.

Sensing a weakening of momentum within the fundamentalist right, Senator Minority leader Reid announced that the Democrats were sponsoring a special day of their own - 'Casual Friday'.

"This is a cause that all Americans can get behind," Reid told FGAQ. "Casual Friday's are not a red state or a blue state issue. Oh, I guess it's more of a blue state issue, since many of the blue states have professionals working in areas outside of farming and the trucking industry. But everyone, no matter what they do for a living, should be able to wear a polo shirt once a week."


©2005, Mark Hoback