Bush Just As Smart As Kerry

In a less than startling revelation, we now find that President Bush is just as smart as Senator John Kerry, his totally lackluster opponent in the 2004 election. "I always told my Dad that D stood for distinction," was Kerry's response to the unveiling of his Yale transcripts.

Yeah, well, we recall when Homer told us it stood for donuts, but what business do we have have calling a couple of national leaders dullards? None whatsoever, which is why we asked renowned genius Marilyn vos Savant, whose IQ of 226 is the highest ever recorded (for someone who writes a column in Sunday Parade magazine), which man is smarter.

"My IQ is actually 228, Mark, but who's counting? I'm smarter than smart, that's the important thing, the final degree on the thrermometer. Like, if I call someone an idiot, you can take it to the bank."

"So, John Kerry... ah, dude, you're talking about a person who wasn't able to talk people into voting for him over an imbecile who clears brush for fun. That's quite sad... Let me see those transcripts. Uh huh, a cumulative average of 76 for Kerry compared to Shrub's average of 77. Big woof."

"I guess the first think that I would have to say is that a 76 average at Yale is nothing to be ashamed of. We're not talking about Utica Community College here. That said, let's get real with it. Both of these men come from very wealthy and highly connected families, know what I mean? Sure you do. They could stay in the dorm smoking dope all day and still be guaranteed a C average. So I guess my answer would be 'Who cares?'. Put the two together and you've still got the mental equivalent of a box of rocks."

"And Mark? One more thing. You're an idiot for asking me such a stupid frigging question."


2005, Mark Hoback