Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern was allowed to enter the White House today after finally bringing President Bush what was deemed an acceptable shrubbery. Bush said that he was quite delighted with the bush, declaring it a "good and noble shrubbery, one worthy of the rose garden itself".

Ahem had been trying to get into the White House for a number of weeks, and was pleased to gain entry on Saint Patrick's day, which is a high holy day for the Irish, commemorating the deeds of Patrick McGeehin, who is said to have driven all bagpipes out of the land, and back to Scotland where they rightly belonged.

On his first attempt, the prime minister had brought a large Azalea, which the presidential doorkeeper had sneered at, refusing to even call Bush down 'to take a look'. Afterwards, Ahem drove to Home Depot where he found a lovely Royal Purple Hydrangea in full bloom. Bush did come downstairs to greet him, but declared the plant 'too flowery', and expressed his doubts that the hydrangea even qualified as a shrubbery.

The third time proved a charm, with Ahem finding just the thing at 'Roger the Shrubber's' - a plain green bush that looked nice, but was not too expensive. Ahem was greeted warmly, and invited into the presidential quarters, where he was given a traditional glass of rich, chocolaty Ovaltine. Ahem expressed a desire to discuss the plight of Sinn Fein, but President Bush told him that this would be impossible unless he obtained another shrubbery and cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring.