Cheney: Libby 'an Enormous Asshole'

Vice President Dick Cheney broke his hour-long silence yesterday, calling his former top aide 'an enormous asshole'. The remarks about Lewis Libby came at Warner Robins Air Force Base, where the Veep was thanking personnel for their vital efforts in the war on terrorism. "Keep those bodies coming," Cheney told the cheering crowd. "We haven't turned the corner yet. Hell, we may never turn the corner. It's a long and lonely drive. The long and winding road, that leads to your door, you left me standing here, but I digress."

"Whew. Old Fitz really helped me dodge a bullet with that indictment. Do you know how hard it is to fire someone in Washington? The union.. Ahh! You have to write someone up three separate times and document everything they do wrong, get your report signed by your supervisor... and you know what a moron I've got for a boss... and then you go back to the union and arbitrate. Well, I don't have to tell you... you guys have it easy... you want to fire somebody and it's history... that's why I like the military... well, not so much like as respect. I respect you guys. I never wanted to be one of you, but... Hell, I'm smarter than that, but don't take me wrong. I really respect you guys and the job that you're doing."

"Shit, I do feel really bad about this war, you know. It's all Scooter's fault. Cooked the intelligence, he did. And now... now we're stuck in a stinking morass that I doubt we'll ever get out of... well, not in my lifetime, anyway. My boss... I mean, technically he's my boss... but he thinks the end times are upon us... the people you get working for the government, I swear it's a crying shame..."

 

2005, Mark Hoback