Connecticut Man In Critical Condition After Getting Lieberman All Over Himself

Roy Jefferson of Bridgeport, Connecticut, is in critical condition today after getting Lieberman all over himself. Doctors say they expect him to recover, but as physician Harry Beam puts it, "You probably won't see old Roy swimming in the buff again anytime soon."

The incident occurred just after 4 PM on Tuesday, when Jefferson crawled underneath a Bush in an attempt to eradicate a hornet's nest.

"There was hornets all around that Bush," said Jefferson. "Some of them was right aggressive. One of em flew into the house a couple of days ago and stung my wife Mary right on the boobie. Left one. You learn to care about things like that when you're a nudist... You think you could lend me a hand and give me a scratch beneath my left armpit? Yeah, right there, where that big patch of Joe is."

This reporter declined to get personally involved in the story, causing Jefferson to bemoan his sad fate all the more. "Hornets, that's what I thought. You just... you crawl under that Bush with a mason jar and you make your move."

"And... I don't know, next thing I knew there was Lieberman all over me. I never was a shudderer, but I sure am shuddering now."