Miers Expires

President Bush sadly announced today that he was withdrawing his nomination of Harriett Miers as an associate member of the Supreme Court "because she is dead".

"It's too bad," said the president, "because she would have made a great Supreme Court justice, one who could have given voice to all the folks who want to see their weird but valid viewpoints represented on the high court. Alas, poor Harriett! I knew her, Karl: a lady of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. She hath borne me on her back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. But yeah, shit happens."

The president added that "my critics may think that they have emerged victorious in this one small battle, but let me assure them that I was impervious to their caustic words. This is all about that rigor mortis thing."

The cause of death was bleeding from a thousand small cuts.