In the wake of Russell Crowe's revelation that he was the target of an al-Qaeda kidnapping plot, other celebrities have begun to come forward stating that they too were potential victims of the cultural destabilization schemes.
Crowe told Australia's GQ that the FBI had informed him in early 2001 that al-Qaeda was embarking on an effort to take "iconographic Americans out of the picture as a method of demoralizing brain dead liberals who take all their political cues from the gin-soaked, make that sin-soaked, Hollywood dream machine, thereby paving the way for the 911 attacks and so forth and so on. Lucky for me, they must have realized at the last minute that I was an Aussie, or who knows whether I'd still be here acting to this very day."
Also at risk was another Oscar winner, Hungarian born human skeleton Adrien Brody, who revealed that he was so frightened after finding out that he was a potential target that he slept in a three piece suit and jogging shoes for nearly two years. "I wanted to be able to run, if they ever came for me," said Brody, "but not just run anywhere. If I had to make my escape, I wanted to be able to go someplace nice."
The FBI would not comment on the claim by Sandra Bullock that an "Arab looking guy stared at me for the longest time with a really evil expression on his face", but agent Jeff Madison admitted that al-Qaeda actually did succeed in kidnapping Daniel Baldwin, and were planning on executing him, but changed their plans when they found out that he wasn't Alec Baldwin. Deciding to ransom him for $500,000, they were soon foiled again when they found that he wasn't even Stephen Baldwin, lowering the price to $100,000 before making their third and final depressing discovery. Daniel was released unharmed.
©2005, Mark Hoback