White House Denounces Newman Comparison
The White House has angrily denounced remarks made by Senator Hillary Clinton which compared President Bush to Mad Magazine mascot Alfred E Newman. Although she insists that she was "just teasing," this was considered a real insider hatchet job by the Committee to Prevent Embarrassing Rhetoric.
"Hillary Clinton's opportunistic attempt to market herself as a centrist is like a wolf dressing up in sheep's clothing," said Tracey Schmitt, a spokesman for the Republican National Committee, "and she does not look good in wool". (A Clinton spokesman retorted that Hillary looks "pretty darn good in whatever she chooses to wear.")
At his morning press briefing, Scott McClellan told reporters that while Bush looks absolutely nothing like Newman, Hillary was the spitting image of Lisa Simpson.
"Oh, it's quite clear that she's the model for that character. Same big mouth, same funny hair, and the look of knowitallness written all over her face. Smartypants Lisa Simpson, the family misfit, always thinks she knows best, when in reality, all she has in her head is a fist full of disconnected facts, none of which adds up to a mouthful of warm pea soup in the final analysis. Hell, for my money, the Democrats would be better off taking a chance with Krusty the Clown."
*Newman from Tom Tomorrow, Simpson from Matt Groening, Hillary from AP
©2005, Mark Hoback