NORTHCOM Tells of Hurricane Hassle

Bush pontificates on Sammy Sosa's unproductive season with the Orioles

Now that Hurricane Rita has subsided, new tales are emerging about the harrowing hours preceding landfall. Troops stationed at NORTHCOM headquarters in Colorado Spring were reportedly a 'nervous wreck', according to Admiral Timothy J. Keating, who spoke to us under assurances of anonymity.

"We were working around the clock, preparing for the storm," said Keating, "and then we get word that the president wants to stop in and 'observe us'. We're like, oh great, we really need that sort of distraction."

"It was pretty frightening," said Lt. Col. Debra Hastings. "I was doing tracking projections at my work station when the secret service comes in and tells me I've got to move because I've got the best seat in the room. Well, of course it's the best seat - it's the tracking projection seat. They wouldn't even let me stay at the table. I said that I couldn't move because my work was vital, and they just unplugged my computer and put it out in the hall. Didn't even power it down properly."

"I understand that he's the president, and he's got a need to know, but his questions were really... really... I mean, 'What causes a hurricane to go so fast?' 'Why do they call it an eye?' Jesus. And then we have to sit there politely while he talks about his days with the Texas Rangers."

 2005, Mark Hoback