Old Fellah in Hot Water

From Bill Plante's (CBS) mini-interview with President Bush on immigration, filmed on the Mexican border. Plante mentions that he has been talking about border control with the locals.

Plante: "One old fellah said to me, he said this morning, 'You know, he'll be down here and that's fine, but he'll leave and everything'll be the same tomorrow.'"

Bush: "I doubt that. I think you need to tell the old fellah that when George Dubya says he's going to make this a technologically advanced border with additional border patrol, he means it."

After Bush had finished another short interview with CNN, Plante was surprised to be summoned back to the president's side. "Just who is this old fellah," Bush asked angrily. "I wanna speak at him. The old man with the smart mouth. I bet he's one of these slackers which hasn't even signed up for my Medicare Part D benefits. Spill the beans, Plante, and spill em quick."

Plante protested that he had not obtained a name, and couldn't even remember what the old fellah looked like, and besides it would be a violation of his journalistic ethics to rat him out. Attorney General Gonzales, also along for the trip, whispered 'Bullshit' in the president's ear, and suggested that they go and watch the six o'clock news.

Within moments of the broadcast, with the aid of a direct uplink to NORAD, the old fellah had been identified as one Charlie Mitchell, age 82, known in the local community as a malcontented ner'do'well. It was quickly established that he had in fact not signed up for Medicare Part D, and a scan of his personal history showed that he had not even voted since 1980, when he cast his ballot for Jimmy Carter. This was the straw that broke the president's back. Secret Service were immediately dispatched to the Sandy Banks Mobile Home Court and the old fellah was brought in for a presidential tongue-lashing.

It was a chastened old fellah who appeared at Dixie's Cafe in San Luis this morning, not the cocky geezer who had so readily disparaged the president's resolve mere hours before. "He's gonna fix it, all right? When George Dubya says he's going to make a technologically advanced border with additional border patrol, he means it. You won't be hearing any lip from this old fellah again any time soon."


2006, Mark Hoback