Mainstream Press Gets to Say Shit; Broadcast Media Jealous

Rush Limbaugh was among the pundits forced to bite their tongues

There was jubilation in the corridors of the nations leading newspapers celebrated a rare opportunity to use the word 'shit'. This rare occasion was made possible by an overheard conversation between George Bush and Tony Blair, when the President, his mouth full of bread, said "What they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over." Rather than try to figure out who the 'they' was, leading papers were just happy to be able to use the S word.

"It's a great day for freedom of the press," said staff writer Peter Baker at the Washington Post. "Such a liberating moment. It's been a long and dry two years since Dick Cheney said 'go fuck yourself', and quite frankly I was starting to wonder when we'd ever get to swear again. There was that report a couple of months ago that Rumsfeld had called retired General Batiste a cocksucker, but it was something we were unable to confirm. Believe me, today is one fine day."

Broadcast media, however, was quite distressed by the events, an attitude summed up by Rush Limbaugh's comments at the top of his show. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid I'm broadcasting today with one arm tied behind my back, which still leaves me with twice the talent God should give to any man. The situation is this: the president said something yesterday that I am not allowed to repeat on the air. Oh, I can paraphrase it, and paraphrase it I shall, but my complaint - and I'm sure you'll agree with me, since you are, after all, dittoheads - but my complaint is this. Why should the left wing mainstream press be allowed to quote the President's use of the S word, but if I repeat the very same words, the FCC considers it to be a new utterance, and I can be fined up to $325,000 dollars. That's fucked up. Oh shit, I just said fuck... oh fuck, I just said shit... Oh man......... Okay, back after these messages."


2006, Mark Hoback