Rush Jumps on the Noah
In a segment titled 'Nine Year Old Runs Rings Around Katie' (transcript here), Rush marvels at the genius that is presidential spokesman Noah McCullough, the Bush Administration's foremost authority on social security. See, as a self-proclaimed future president*, Noah ends up saying a lot of precious and precocious things, like his response to Katie Couric's question about why he's stumping for social security reform. "Because I know that it's a major problem that has to be fixed, and I don't want to have to deal with it my first day in office".
<insert Rush chortle here> "Thirty-two years from now he doesn't want to have to deal with Social Security his first day in office. And Katie is just reduced to "uh-huh." <insert Rush harumph here>
Back to Noah. "And right now the plan that President Bush has proposed is kind of like the medication <visual: Rush's eyes get wide> to get it back. It's not going to immediately happen like right when you take a pill <visual: Rush licks lips> or something you don't immediately feel better. It takes a little while."
And Rush is beside himself, because this kid, this nine year old, is making more sense than any of those liberal idiots, this child is cleaning their clock. What a perfect way to kick off hour number one on a glorious Friday.
Stating that it is not his intention to bring 'undue attention' to a precocious nine year old, Rush begins hour number two by declaring that Noah McCullough just might be the new Messiah.
"You notice, of course, that I use the word 'might', because this is a sticky proposition, and I, for one, don't wish to be guilty of leading anyone down the wrong path. 'Might' is the operative word. There is the matter of the spectacles, which lend a faint air of weakness, but then again, let us not forget about Clark Kent".
"Laugh, if you will, oh yea of little faith," said Limbaugh at the start of the third hour of his Friday radio show, which is now heard in thirty-eight-thousand-three-hundred-and-seventy-two markets, "but there is no wiser lad in this land than the McCullough boy. If my God-given talent would grow, tumor-like, to even half that of Noah's, I would surely have my radio show on in at least forty-two-thousand-one-hundred-and-thirty-six markets, which is what, I predict, little Noah shall soon have as his minimal number of total outlets - should he consider becoming a part of the EIB network - long before the 2032 presidential race."
"This little lad is smarter than Thomas Jefferson, Ronald Reagan, and Neil Diamond all rolled into one, covered with a rich, tangy mustard-based barbeque sauce... oh, pardon me, I'm thinking about my lunch".
*And dare we say, at this point the 2032 front-runner
©2005, Mark Hoback