Saddam Starting to Get Really Hungry Now

Saddam pauses to intake the traditional Moslem sacrament

Saddam Hussein, now entering the sixth day of his hungry strike, has reportedly become quite ravenous indeed, and is known to often call out in his sleep for a frozen custard or 'those accursed Doritos'.

"It has all become quite irritatin," said LCpl. Lance Korprul. Korprul is two months into a 120 day assignment guarding the deposed dictator and always dreads taking the night shift. "I tell you what, man, the Butcher of Baghdad is givin me the munchies. Cause it's like he's so high profile a prisoner that you gotta wear a dress uniform and they won't even let you smoke. Got no eatin man, either,  not even like a bagga peanuts. And then I gotta listen to this lunatic shoutin 'Butterfinger' all night long."

Saddam's ordeal began on Monday, when following a large breakfast, he entirely refused his noon meal, and did not take his evening meal until half past six, a pattern he has repeated throughout the week. At court on Tuesday, he told the judge that he was going on a hungry strike and would not eat lunch again until the judge was removed and the truth be laid bare for all to see. He also claimed that he would only pick at his dinner, a claim which prison lunch-lady Leona Pierce quickly pooh-poohs.

"Oh there might be a couple of green beans or a pat of spinach, but meat and potatoes, look out. You give that man a chicken breast and he'll turn it into Chicken Chassis within five minutes. And believe you me, there's always room for Jell-O. I should know - I'm the one who cleans up his tray."

Saddam's protest apparently escalated last night, when he declared that he would henceforth refuse any and all vegetables. Lunch-lady Pierce is unconvinced.

"You know, Islam doesn't consider the potato as a vegetable - they put all their tubers in a special category. Ovaloids, I believe. So it's doubtful our old boy here will be giving up his fries. And as for the rest, frankly I never thought he cared that much for his vegetables to begin with."


2006, Mark Hoback