Saddam Calls End to Hungry Strike


Saddam Hussein today ended his eleven day hungry strike, proclaiming "thu ith owee o uch tha mah cuno eed fo a mah cuno eed o mo". He then swallowed his Twinkie and tried again, uttering the slightly more coherent "there is only so much that a man cannot eat before a man cannot eat no more".

Physicians had been worried about the dictators health after he lost 113 pounds during his nearly two week stint of skipping lunch and picking at his dinner. "If it wasn't for the hearty breakfast, I believe he would have dwindled into nothingness," said Colonel Paul Sartre, Saddam's attending physician.

"Man is not the sum of what he has already, but rather the sum of what he does not yet have, of what he could have. And what Saddam did not have, yet what he could have, is a nice rib-eye and a baked potato."