"Just look at them scurry. Aren't they just the cutest things?"

"Oh my heavens yes. Ho ho ho."

"Roll over, Miss Beazley. Roll over."

"Ho ho ho. Look, Barney's biting her little tale."

"They're just playing, Santa. They go on like that for hours."

"Well, I could sit here and watch them for hours while they do. Ho ho ho. Just look at that little dog spin."

"Do the whirling dervish, Miss Beazley. Pretend you're a helicopter."

"Ho ho ho. Hee hee hee. Whoa! Mwah ha ha ho ho. Did you see that? Her little eyes just rolled up into the back of her head. Ho ho ho ho."

"Now look what Barney does."

"Ho ho, uh... ho... That's nothing special, Mrs. Bush. He's just humping her. A lot of dogs do that."

"Not to my precious Miss Beasley, they don't. Play dead, Miss Beasley, play dead."

"She's already doing a pretty good job of that..."

"She doesn't want to disturb Barney, that's all. Now crawl, Miss Beazley. Come over here and I'll give you a treat. After you shake hands with Santa, that is."

"Very pleased to meet you, Miss Beasley. That's really cute. She almost..."

"Now give Santa some sugar."

"Ho ho ho. Please, no. I just don't like that."

"Aww, is the big fat man being mean to Miss Beasley? Come over to mama, snoogums."

"I really prefer the name Santa to big fat man, Mrs. Bush. But yeah, just for the record I don't care to be slobbered on by people's dogs, not even presidential ones."

"Stand up and beg."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Hush. I'm talking to Miss Beasley. I've got her treat right here... Beg, Miss Beasley... Now hop on one leg. Good girl. Here you go, sweetie."

"Did you just give that dog a jalapeno pepper?"

"She loves them. She says she'd like you to bring her a whole big bag of them for Christmas."


"Miss Beazley says for me to thank you very much. You sure you don't want some doggy kisses?"

"No, especially not with that jalapeno breath. Hey, I've really got to run."

"Okay, Mister Sourpuss, we'll see you in a couple of weeks."


2005, Mark Hoback